Mentoring

Mentoring is a wait-and-see endeavor.  I'm learning that with youth, there seems to be more waiting.

I mentor a group of 6th grade girls, as well as a graduate student.  As you can imagine, interactions between the two are very different.  Mentoring the grad student- an adult- seems easier than does mentoring the 6th graders.  As an adult, he's had at least a couple decades of gaining life experience through trial and error.  When I discuss with him responsibilities associated with certain actions or life decisions, he understands the related consequences and gravity of the situations I pose.  I can speak frankly and get the same in return.  There is an equal interaction.

With the 6th graders, it's a much different story.  Most of these girls are 12 years old and in middle school.  Though they do have life experience, it's limited by years and semi-structured home and school environments.  Because of that narrow world-view, many of these girls don't really know what responsibilities are associated with myriad actions, behaviors, and life decisions.  They don't often think of or understand the related consequences or expectations.  I have to be careful with my words and even then, I'm not guaranteed a response.  There seems to be a lop-sided interaction.

I have found myself struggling with this dynamic- I assume much like that of a parent.  I say that because part of me wants to give the answers to the girls; tell them how it is; protect them; ship them into shape.  But I know I can't do any of that- or at least I need to mitigate doing so- because how will they ever learn if they don't figure it out themselves?  And yet, the tension does not ease up.  I am left wondering if I'm getting through; if I'm positively influencing their young lives; if they're learning from me.  They stare at me blankly and I don't know if this is because they don't get it, or because they're 12.  That is, they're staring blankly because they can't wait for me to stop talking, so they just do so until I give up.

I know that this will not always be the case, as they will grow older and- hopefully- wiser.  I know intellectually that the dynamic will change.  But knowing this doesn't take away the mental trash of doubt, or give me that reassurance I desire.  I am still left in tension, a struggle that seems to be in the waiting- in not seeing the immediate impact.  As productive Americans, we want to see instant effects- we want to know that we've done good work.  But with mentoring, it seems you just have to go with what you got, and have faith that what you got is working.  You have to trust and hope that those young lives will indeed be better off for having known you.

So here is me, hoping for that very thing.